With Valentine’s Day this week, love is in the air, and this goes for retirement communities too. For some, the idea of dating or entering into a romantic relationship later in life may seem daunting or even uncomfortable to discuss. However, understanding the significance of dating and intimacy in retirement communities, the associated benefits, as well as the potential risks is crucial for fostering an open and supportive environment for older adults.

Why romance in retirement communities matters

As people get older, many experience changes in their social networks. Life partners and friends pass away; family members may not live close by; and people can easily become isolated from their broader community. Yet the desire for companionship, romance, and intimacy don’t suddenly vanish with age. 

It is in this context that many older adults continue to seek companionship and even intimate relationships. Some find such romantic partnership or love using traditional channels like friends of a friend, shared hobbies or interests, and houses of worship. Other older adults take advantage of more modern avenues like online dating websites (some of which cater to older relationship-seekers, like Howaboutwe.com).

Many retirement communities also offer single or widowed residents near-limitless opportunities to meet prospective romantic partners during community outings, dances, or other social events. In fact, it’s been said that the “worst-kept secret” in the senior living industry is that some single residents are having sexual relationships with each other. Even single residents of assisted living facilities frequently meet a romantic interest and pair up. 

But whether in a retirement community or the broader community, it’s crucial to remember that such romance and intimacy can offer older adults profound and long-term benefits.

Social-emotional well-being

Romantic relationships in older adulthood can provide a sense of emotional support, companionship, and fulfillment. Having someone with common interests to share daily experiences with can alleviate feelings of loneliness, depression, and isolation. What’s more, older adults may have greater clarity about their desires and needs, allowing for relationships that are emotionally fulfilling in ways that may not have been possible earlier in life. 

Dating and romantic relationships in a retirement community often help expand one’s social network as well. Coupled up residents may feel more integrated and connected to their environment as they engage with others through mutual friendships and shared activities.

>> Related: Finding The Perfect Match: Senior Dating and Relationships

Improved mental health

Studies have shown that older adults in romantic relationships tend to have better mental health outcomes. The positive effects of companionship can lower stress levels and contribute to a more optimistic outlook on life.

The excitement of starting a new romantic relationship in retirement can also reignite a sense of purpose. The shared experiences, conversations, and planning for the future that come with romance can enrich daily life and provide a sense of novelty and excitement.

Physical health advantages

The act of forming and maintaining intimate relationships can also have physical health benefits. Intimacy has been linked to better heart health, improved immune function, and even longer life expectancy. Numerous studies have also found a correlation between sexual health and older adults’ subjective sense of well-being. 

Overall quality of life

There is growing recognition that sexual and romantic desires are natural and important aspects of aging well. The National Poll on Healthy Aging found that more than half (54%) of respondents aged 65–80 said sex was important to their quality of life.

Relationships that foster affection, support, and understanding can also lead to a more active lifestyle and engagement in community events or activities, all of which contribute to a better quality of life as we grow older.

>> Related: Seniors and Sex: A Significant Quality of Life Issue

Potential concerns with dating and intimacy in retirement communities

While there clearly can be benefits to romance and dating later in life, there are also potential challenges — and even risks — that should be acknowledged and managed.

Health risks and considerations

First and foremost, it’s important to remember that, while pregnancy may no longer be a concern post-menopause, sexual activity among older adults is not without potential health risks. 

For instance, the American Medical Association has noted that “sexually transmitted infections (STIs) for adults 65 or older have more than doubled in the U.S. in the last decade, a product of multiple factors including heightened sexual activity in senior living facilities, low condom use, and lack of knowledge about STIs.”  

Additionally, there can be concerns if one or both partners have chronic medical conditions or take medications that can interfere with sexual health. It’s therefore important for seniors to have open, honest conversations with their healthcare providers about the potential health risks associated with intimacy. (It is also crucial for those in the medical field to acknowledge older adults’ sexual health and initiate such discussions.)

>> Related: What Seniors Must Consider Before Walking Down the Aisle

The emotional stakes of vulnerability

Romantic relationships inherently require a certain level of emotional vulnerability. For older adults who have experienced the loss of a spouse or partner in the past, opening up to someone new can feel daunting. 

So, while new relationships can offer healing, they can also bring challenges, such as healing with the grief of past losses or even confronting the anxiety of a potential future loss.

Sometimes-complicated relationship dynamics

Romantic drama isn’t only for teenagers! Particularly in retirement community settings, where residents may be in close proximity to each other, relationships can become complicated when emotional entanglements or disputes arise. This can lead to social tension, especially if romantic relationships are not handled discreetly or if there are misunderstandings between residents.

Difficult breakups can also happen at any age, sometimes creating uncomfortable dynamics in the dining room or in social circles. 

>> Related: ‘The Golden Bachelor’ & the 55 and Over Dating Scene

Heartburn for families, finances, and facilities

Romantic relationships between retirement community residents can bring about logistical and legal issues for families, caregivers, and the facility itself. 

Some retirement communities seem to take a “head in the sand” approach to the relationships forming between residents. Indeed, only a few communities have explicit “sexual expression” policies designed to respect and facilitate intimacy among consenting residents while safeguarding vulnerable ones (more on this in a moment). 

For older couples’ families, in addition to sometimes-fraught emotions around a parent’s new relationship, financial considerations may cause concern too. This can be especially true if marriage/remarriage is being considered and if previous marriages/divorces have already divided retirement assets and income, or if they fear financial fraud may be at play (more on this in a moment as well). 

However, many couples who form relationships later in life don’t feel pressured to formalize them legally. It’s becoming increasingly common for unmarried residents to choose to live together in senior living communities without tying the knot (which in some cases may result in  lower per person housing expenses).

>> Related: The Unexpected Cost of Divorce in Retirement

Potential for exploitation

In any community, there is always the possibility of vulnerable individuals being exploited or taken advantage of. However, in retirement communities in particular, the risk of fraud, manipulation, or undue pressure in a romantic relationship can be higher. 

First and foremost, consider people with dementia or otherwise incapacitated patients who may not be able to provide consent and could be at risk of unwanted advances. But other older adults can be vulnerable too, such as those navigating the online dating world for the first time or engaging in relationships with much younger partners. Thus, any older person in the dating scene should be dully cautious and aware of the possibility of abuse or victimization, such as from online romance scams.

>> Related: Don’t Become a Victim to the Rising Incidence of Elder Fraud

Supporting healthy romantic relationships in retirement communities

Companionship, romance, dating, and intimacy are vital aspects of the human experience for all adults, and they don’t have to stop with age. Retirement communities can play an important role in supporting healthy relationships between residents by creating environments where love, romance, and intimacy are valued and seen as positive aspects of aging. 

First, retirement communities can encourage honest dialogue about dating and intimacy. Creating a culture of transparency around relationships and sexuality can help reduce stigmas about older adults’ sexuality and encourage healthy, respectful relationships. 

Such support for healthy relationships should extend to the community’s programming — both educational and social. For example, many older adults have been out of the dating scene for some time and may benefit from programs that address relationship skills, safe intimacy practices, and sexual health. Additionally, social activities and spaces should be inclusive, allowing residents to interact and form friendships and even romantic connections naturally. 

Provision of other support services and resources is yet another way retirement communities can encourage healthy romantic partnerships between residents. This might include counseling services, support groups, and healthcare consultations, all of which can be critical for addressing any emotional, physical, or psychological challenges that may arise in the context of residents’ intimate relationships.

So while there are both benefits and potential risks associated with romantic relationships in older adulthood, when approached thoughtfully, responsibly, and respectfully, these relationships can enrich retirement community residents’ lives in profound ways.

 

Originally posted Aug. 4, 2016; updated and revised Feb. 10, 2025

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