Considering a 'Gray Marriage'? What to Know Before Saying 'I Do' in Later Life

Getting married in one’s later years can be a beautiful way to deepen companionship, share life’s daily rhythms, and find renewed purpose together. And thanks to dating websites like match.com and Howaboutwe.com, finding a romantic partner later in life is simpler than ever. As a result, people entering later-in-life marriages (sometimes called “gray marriages”) is increasingly common.

But a late-in-life marriage also brings legal, financial, emotional, familial, and health-related considerations that younger couples often don’t face. While there are many positives to committing to a person you love, older adults should thoughtfully consider the issues that can arise from a new marriage in later life.

The rising trend of senior marriages

The median age for a first marriage has been steadily increasing in the U.S., reaching 30.2 for men and 28.6 for women as of 2024, per U.S. Census data. According to 2023 data analysis by Pew Research, a quarter (25%) of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married. That’s up more than four-fold from only 6% of never-married 40-year-olds in 1980. These trends are among the reasons for the increase in the number of marriages between older adults.

Additionally, later-in-life divorce (sometimes called “silver divorce”) and subsequent remarriage has become more socially accepted, accounting for a rise in gray marriages. Other factors in this trend include increased longevity, changing attitudes toward aging, and the widening use of dating platforms among older adults.

Potential advantages of gray marriage

There are a number of benefits that people who marry later in life may experience.

Companionship and connection

Research consistently shows that older adults who live alone are at higher risk for loneliness, depression, and even physical decline. Having a life partner can provide companionship, purpose, motivation, and a sense of belonging — benefits that support both mental and physical well-being as we age.

Support in sickness and in health

Beyond emotional closeness, a senior marriage often provides a built-in support system during illness or recovery. A spouse can assist with medications, meals, and daily activities, responsibilities that might otherwise fall on hired caregivers or distant relatives.

Indeed, a Harvard Medical School article from 2019 notes that married older adults are more likely to follow medical treatment plans and experience faster recovery after hospitalization compared to those who live alone.

Simplified legal and medical decisions

Marriage can simplify many legal and logistical matters. For instance, married partners typically have automatic rights when it comes to hospital visitation, healthcare proxy decisions, and inheritance — rights that unmarried partners must establish through separate legal documents. Estate planning, life insurance beneficiary designations, and emergency contact information are all easier to manage when there’s a legally recognized spouse.

Shared financial security

While love is the foundation, practical advantages like reduced financial stress can make the later years more comfortable and secure for those who marry later in life. Combining resources can strengthen financial stability to help offset medical expenses, household costs, or long-term care needs. For some, it may even make it possible to afford different senior living options like a continuing care retirement community (CCRC, also called a life plan community).

Unique challenges of late-in-life marriage

Of course, almost all choices in life have potential advantages as well as possible issues associated with them, and gray marriages are no different. There are a number of important considerations to weigh before you say “I do” late in life.

Health, longevity, and caregiving responsibilities

As we age, the likelihood of developing a health issue naturally increases. As with any marriage between older people, one partner within the late-in-life marriage may develop serious health issues or cognitive decline over time. In these situations, caregiving responsibilities may fall on the spouse, which can strain both the relationship and finances. In addition, older couples must face the difficult reality that one spouse will likely outlive the other, making planning for long-term care essential.

Financial complexity

Entering into a marriage later in life often involves combining complex financial histories that can include pre-existing assets, pensions, retirement accounts, Social Security benefits, and real estate holdings. These situations tend to be far more intricate than those faced by younger couples entering a first marriage.

For instance, changes in tax filing status can sometimes result in higher tax burdens for one or both spouses. Additionally, marriage can influence Medicaid eligibility for long-term care expenses since many states treat spousal assets jointly when determining qualification for financial assistance programs.

Another potential issue involves outdated beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, life insurance policies, or investment accounts that still name another loved one, a prior spouse, or children, creating possible conflicts with new intentions.

Finally, both partners in a gray marriage may bring existing financial obligations into the relationship (e.g., mortgages, medical bills, or alimony) that need to be openly discussed and managed. Honest financial disclosure and careful planning are crucial to building a foundation of trust and preventing financial stress from undermining a late-in-life marriage.

Legal and estate planning complications

In a gray marriage, legal arrangements can become more complex as well, especially when adult children or prior marriages are involved. Depending on the couple’s unique situation, key legal and estate-related documents may include:

Prenuptial (or postnuptial) agreements to protect assets and clarify financial expectations
Separate legal counsel so both spouses’ individual interests are safeguarded
Updating wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives to reflect new intentions and avoid unintended disinheritances
Choosing fiduciaries (e.g., executors, trustees, and agents) wisely, especially in blended family contexts
Understanding state-by-state rules around spousal inheritance, property laws, and community property versus separate property

Complex emotional dynamics

It was the baby boomer generation (born 1946–1964) that destigmatized premarital sex, cohabitation, and even divorce, but navigating family relationships and emotions can be a delicate dance when adult children, stepchildren, or former partners/spouses are involved.

Adult children, for example, may experience mixed feelings such as grief, resentment, or loyalty conflicts, particularly if they worry about losing a parent’s attention or an inheritance. Long-established traditions such as where holidays are celebrated, who hosts family gatherings, and how family roles like grandparenting are shared may suddenly feel uncertain or contested as well.

Social circles can also shift as long-time friends adjust to a new dynamic, sometimes struggling to fully accept or include a new spouse. These changes can create tension or awkwardness, particularly if each partner brings a different social routine or level of openness to the relationship.

Within the household, gray marriage couples may even encounter friction as they merge homes and lifestyles, combining possessions, daily habits, and personal boundaries developed over the years.

In these sometimes-challenging situations, clear, open, honest communication, setting mutually agreed upon expectations, and early inclusion of adult children (when appropriate) can make a significant difference. Showing empathy toward all involved also can reduce conflict and foster goodwill as families evolve into their new form.

Social participation and maintaining identity

Regardless of age, it’s healthy for partners to have both shared interests and independent pursuits so that each retains a sense of identity. Yet spouses in gray marriages may naturally become each other’s primary social support as they age and other networks shrink. Yale research from 2022 shows that in these late-life marriages, fostering outside friendships, hobbies, and social outlets can improve wellbeing as well as marital satisfaction.

Before committing to a late-in-life marriage

There are obviously a lot of things to consider before getting married later in life, many of which can impact your financial and emotional wellbeing. A helpful 2024 article from Schwab suggests five essential topics older couples should discuss before walking down the aisle:

Money values: Discuss your financial habits, goals, and comfort with spending or saving. Aligning expectations helps prevent future conflict.
Combining finances: Decide whether to merge or keep accounts separate, and how shared expenses will be managed.
Retirement impact: Understand how marriage will affect taxes, Social Security, and retirement income streams.
Health and caregiving plans: Talk about who will make medical and financial decisions in the event of illness or incapacity, and put those plans in writing.
Estate and inheritance: Clarify how assets will be distributed, especially if there are adult children or blended families, and update wills and beneficiaries accordingly.

A gray marriage can work … when done wisely

Despite the possible complexities, many late-in-life marriages thrive because older couples bring maturity, self-awareness, and realistic expectations into the relationship. They often communicate more clearly, have learned from past relationships, and place a premium on companionship.

Furthermore, multiple studies show that being in a satisfying marriage at older ages is linked to better physical health, stronger immune and cardiovascular function, better sleep, and emotional resilience. That said, researchers also have found that if large age gaps exist, or if marital expectations are unrealistic, satisfaction may decline over time. Therefore, it is essential to go into a gray marriage (or really any marriage!) with your eyes wide open, understanding one another’s values, expectations, finances, goals, and more.

But keep in mind: At its most basic level, a marriage is a legal contract. For this reason, it is wise to consult with an experienced attorney, financial planner, and accountant to ensure both parties are protected in the long term. And if you do not feel confident and comfortable with the situation for any reason, it is likely best to reconsider.

Originally posted Oct. 31, 2016; updated Oct. 13, 2025

FREE Detailed Profile Reports on CCRCs/Life Plan Communities
Search Communities

Considering a ‘Gray Marriage’? What to Know Before Saying ‘I Do’ in Later Life